??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
