Im at strip club and am horny
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize