remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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