It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
