now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
