we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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