Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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