i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
