please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
