sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
