Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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