ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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