I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
