when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
