how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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