the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
