He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
