ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I licked your asshole in confidence.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
