I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
