Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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