There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
