I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
