you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
