saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
