It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
