You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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