I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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