in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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