...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
