woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
