your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My feet surprised me
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