Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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