if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
whose parrot is this?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I know her cup size but not her name....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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