What did we do last night that was yellow?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
