he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
