dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
