just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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