Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize