It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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