You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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