I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My hand turned me down
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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