I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
