im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i don't like sucking hair
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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