i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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