Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
