we have pet lesbian snakes
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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