we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
