I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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