How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
