Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She even gives head with a lisp.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
