last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
