I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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