There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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