Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
