so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
