Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
A+ Viking dick
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
