idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
