were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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