i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
