You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
