We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
