well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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