My room smells like vodka and shame
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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