Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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