The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
