I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
