I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
