Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
