i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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