Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
